Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
