And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize