I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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