The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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