Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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