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I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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