You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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