Need sex. Gaining weight.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
