covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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