Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize