Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
