I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
