I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
