I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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