I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
