I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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