I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
