Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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