Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
