just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize