He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
