also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
