the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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