started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
