HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
