When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
