you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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