Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
