If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
