how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
