I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
