Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
