There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
