the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
