i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
