That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
