Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
