Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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