Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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