we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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