: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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