I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
