it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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