I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize