idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i came on her dog
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
