You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
