last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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