Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
