garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
