And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
