When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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