there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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