Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
