There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
