The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize