They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
