Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
