It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
