Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
