When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize