the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
