just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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