Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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