Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
