We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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