I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize