O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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