it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
