last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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