well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
