I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
