Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
