She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
